Label Instructions

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears’s hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???….)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it’s "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well…duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(…and you thought????…)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and…I’m taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to…what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury’s peanuts: "Warning:
contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)

On a child’s superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)