DEC 2015 q 2 a

Hello
In answering this question I mentioned some points which are not included in ace’s answer. I would therefore like your opinion as to whether they are correct or not. I have also included inks to the question and answer below for ease of reference.

Mission statement
1.In my answer in mentioned that John’s mission statement is better than the current one, however there is room for improvement. I stated that it should include some sort of comparative statement since its competitor is doing better. a phrase along the lines of “…where we treat our students better than the others” should be included. This is also more persuading to students.

CSF
1.Acca’s answer mentioned that “to satisfy our members…” is a CSF. However I mentioned that this needs to be more detailed since the students can be satisfied in different ways.

2.I mentioned that the “syllabus being current ” is a CSF since if it is not then the information taught to students would not assist them in passing the exam. Acca’s answer stated otherwise.

GENERALLY
I would like to know if when writing an answer in the exam and I am repeating a phrase from the question if I can write:

“95% of members rate us as excellent …….”

as opposed to:

“95% of members rate us as excellent in an externally administered customer satisfaction survey”

Links
https://www.accaglobal.com/content/dam/ACCA_Global/Students/prof/p3/p3-2015-dec-q.pdf

https://www.accaglobal.com/content/dam/ACCA_Global/Students/prof/p3/p3-2015-dec-a.pdf