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August 7, 2009 at 7:41 am #24985frost
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There was an expert accountant who was well versed in the game theory. He once hears that his intelligent niece, who is five years old, always takes a nickel, when a choice between a nickel and a dime is offered. He explains to his niece "You must understand, dime is twice as valuable as a nickel, so always choose a dime." The niece tells "Uncle, but then people will not offer me any money."
Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over, it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. "973" says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I am a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an accountant with a Big Six firm," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that? "Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
An Indian Accountant’s Theory of Reincarnation – if you are a good accountant, virtuous accountant, then you are reborn as an engineer. But if you are evil, wicked accountant, you are reborn as a psychologist.
One day in microeconomics, the professor was writing up the typical "underlying assumptions" in preparation to explain a new model. I turned to my friend and asked, "What would Economics be without assumptions?" He thought for a moment, then replied, "Accounting."
A science graduate asks, "Why does it work?" An engineering graduate asks, "How does it work?" An accounting graduate asks, "How much it costs?" A humanity graduate asks, "Do you want fries with that, Sir?"
A man lands on a hot air balloon in the middle of the desert, not knowing his whereabouts he looks around. Along walks another guy so the balloon man asks "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Sure" says the other one "longitude 23’45", latitude 34’12". "Oh," says the balloon man, "you must be accountant" "As a matter of fact, I am, how did you know?" "Well, you just gave me a very precise piece of worthless information." " I see" says the accountant "and you must be a consultant." "You are right, how did you know?" "As long as you’re up in the air, you seem to know where you’re going, but as soon as you get down to earth, you’re lost."
While waiting to board a plane in a small airport, a ticket agent said on the paging system: "Would the accountant who dropped his pants please return to the ticket counter." After a slight pause, the same voice added, "The pants were on a hanger!"
An auditor is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can’t get sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend many hours trying to find it."
Three accountants were in the urinal performing their morning constitutional. The first finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. Turning to other two accountants, he says – "Chartered Accountants are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper and makes sure that he dries every drop of water from his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says – "Certified Accountants are not only trained be extremely thorough but also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finishes and walks straight for the door. "Management Accountants learn not to piss on their hands."
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